


Sing-Along

by AlyssAlenko



Series: Shakarian Adventures [5]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Cerberus - Freeform, Christmas gift, Crushes, Disney, F/M, Friendship, Fun, Humiliation, Karaoke, Love, Loyalty, Mass Effect - Freeform, Matchmaking, Platonic friendships, Secret Santa, Trust, allude to shakarian, disney sing along, distraction, joker's bday gift, joker's birthday, my secret santa gift, shasumi friendship, shoker friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 18:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8907898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssAlenko/pseuds/AlyssAlenko
Summary: This is a Secret Santa Gift for SilenyFade. Merry Christmas!Shepard needs a distraction after returning with Kasumi from Donovan Hock's party, and the Disney Sing-Along Karaoke Present they'd planned for Joker on his birthday is just the thing the doctor ordered--But Joker uses it to his advantage to try and shove his commander together with her crush; A turian badboy named Archangel. ;)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SilenyFade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilenyFade/gifts).



“You ready for this, Shep?”  
  
She grinned and flashed the thief a thumbs-up.  
  
“Let’s do this.”  
  
They’d been planning this for weeks, and finally had a moment to put it into action; ever since Shepard had heard Joker humming ‘A Girl Worth Fighting For’ to himself in the cockpit one day. She was still recovering from Donovan Hock’s party and needed the ultimate distraction. Kasumi—with some help from EDI—had dug up a collection of Disney songs and they were ready to blast it through the speakers of the Normandy.  
  
They were going to start with Mulan and work their way through as many songs as they could. The two of them giggled quietly as EDI opened the doors to the cockpit while saying something to distract Joker so he didn’t hear them. He glanced around, swearing he heard the drum beat introduction to ‘I’ll Make a Man Out of You’...but that was crazy, right? Or so he thought, until he heard a noise behind him, Shepard jumping into the open doorway.  
  
“ _Let’s get down to business_!” She sang.  
  
“ _To defeat...the Huns_!” Kasumi joined in.  
  
Joker turned his chair, grinning from ear-to-ear at the surprise the two women had planned for him, it had to have been hard to arrange. But it was Shepard, and she always seemed to get her way, no matter what she was doing, be it fighting or apparently setting up karaoke. It was only fitting he took the next line.  
  
“ _Did they send me daughters, when I asked...for sons_?” Joker belted out.  
  
“ _You’re the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet before we’re through: mister, I’ll...make a man...out of yooooouuuu! Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within. Once you find your center, you are sure...to win! You’re a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven’t got a clue; somehow I’ll...make a man...out of yo-o-o-u_.” The trio sang in unison standing back to back and flexing, imitating each voice perfectly. “ _I’m never gonna catch my breath. Say goodbye to those who knew me. Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym. This guy’s got ‘em scared to death. Hope he doesn’t see right through me. Now I really wish that I knew how to swim. Be a man—you must be swift as a coursing river; be a man—with all the force of a great typhoon; be a man—with all the strength of a raging fire...mysterious as the dark side of the moon. Time is racing toward us till the Huns arrive; heed my every order and you might survive. You’re unsuited for the rage of war...so pack up, go home you’re through; how could I make a man out of you? Be a man—you must be swift as a coursing river; be a man—with all the force of a great typhoon; be a man—with all the strength of a raging fire....mysterious as the dark side of the moon. Be a man—you must be swift as a coursing river; be a man—with all the force of a great typhoon; be a man—with all the strength of a raging fire....mysterious as the dark side of the moo-oon_.”  
  
  
The three of them collapsed into a fit a giggles, Kasumi and Shepard hanging onto the back of Joker’s chair; neither had expected to have that much fun—they were definitely going to karaoke all day with him, all over the ship. He reached over to the console. Letting EDI take the helm and walking with the two of them, linking his arm through both if theirs, as they made their way out of the cockpit, ‘Forget About Love’ starting to play. He had a horrible idea and was hoping to put it into action as soon as possible but they had to get to the forward battery. Without even discussing it, Joker started singing with Iago, Kasumi and Serenity letting it happen—this was going to be the most epic day ever.  
  
“ _Forget about that guy. Forget about the way you fell into his eyes. Forget about his charms. Forget about the way he held you in his arms. Walking on air’s obnoxious; the thrill, the chill—will make you nauseous...and you’ll never get enough. Just forget about love! Forget about romance. Forget about the way your heart begins to dance. Then you feel the blush, when he’s spouting out some sentimental mush. Love really is revolting! It’s even worse than when you’re molting. Enough of this fluff! Just forget about love_!”  
  
This wasn’t so bad...even though the entire crew was staring at them like they were insane or had two heads. Her cheeks were on fire—she didn’t like to sing in front of people. But it was Joker’s birthday, and if a little humiliation made him happy, she’d learn to deal…it also made her seem more human and less larger than life, and that was a definite plus. Kasumi glanced over at Shepard, winking before nodding at her; she took a deep breath.  
  
“ _I had almost forgotten the way it felt, when he held out his hand for mine; my heart all a-flutter_.”  
  
“ _Oh, how I shudder_.” The shit-eating grin on his face was priceless.  
  
“ _The first time we kissed_ —”  
  
“ _It won’t be missed! Forget about his touch_.”  
  
Serenity shook her head, laughing a little. “ _I can’t forget about his touch_.”  
  
“ _In the scheme of things, it doesn’t matter much_.” Joker shrugged.  
  
“ _It matters so mu-uch_.”  
  
“ _You’re better on your own; a meal becomes a banquet when you eat alone._ ”  
  
“ _Hmm-mm-mm-mm_.”  
  
“ _Love’s filled with compromises_ —” The two of them sang in perfect unison.  
  
“ _And don’t you hate those big surprises_?” Joker belted out.  
  
They were almost to their destination...if he could just keep Shepard distracted long enough...  
  
“ _A cozy rendezvous_...”  
  
“ _Oh, please_!”  
  
“ _Candlelight for two_ …”  
  
“ _Oh, geez_!”  
  
“ _Look you’re calling my bluff_!”

“ _I can’t_ ,” Serenity rolled her eyes as Joker said “ _just_ ,” at the exact same time, before they sang together once more in harmony, “ _Forget about love_!”  
  
“ _I can’t forget about my heart._ ” She began.  
  
“ _I can’t forget about my heart_.” Kasumi mumbled quietly.  
  
“ _And how it felt to fall for you right from the start_.”  
  
“ _I’m still falling_.”  
  
“ _Whatever we may do_...”  
  
“ _Whatever we may do_.”  
  
“ _You are here for me, and I’ll be there for you_.”  
  
“ _I’ll be there_.” Kasumi’s voice lifted above Shepard’s.  
  
“ _To wish, to want, to wander. To find the sun through rain and thunder._ ” Serenity and Kasumi harmonized together.  
  
“ _A cozy rendezvous_ …” Kasumi branched off.  
  
“ _Yes, please_!” Serenity grinned.  
  
“ _Candlelight for two_ …”  
  
“ _Oh, geez! Enough is enough_!” Joker interjected.  
  
Kasumi and Shepard glanced at each other and nodded quickly, clapping Joker on the back, and forcing him to sit down in one of the chairs in the mess. “ _We can’t forget about love_!”  
  
Joker had to admit this was the best present he could be asked for, and what they probably had to go through to set this up just for him was incredibly sweet. He looked at Serenity and when she met his eyes he wiggled his eyebrows, making her cock her head to the side in blatant confusion as he jerked his head towards the door to the gunnery. Hadn’t she embarrassed herself enough for one day? Part of her was sure Garrus had heard the three of them caterwauling though the ship and was just sitting in there, calibrating the forward cannon, flicking his mandibles out at the minor irritation they’d caused.  
  
Her hands flew to her face, covering the blush...if Garrus had heard her singing she was never going to be able to look him in the eyes again. How had they even found their way down here? Joker was behind this...she just knew it; somehow he’d found out about her crush on their resident turian, and he was using that to his advantage. She glared at him, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
“Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to sing a love song loudly, outside the doors to the forward battery. We’ll see if we can’t get Garrus to come out.” Joker smirked.  
  
Shepard shook her head fervently. “Nope. Not gonna happen.”  
  
“I dunno Shep, it might be fun.”  
  
“For you two. I’d die of embarrassment.”  
  
Joker patted her hand consolingly from where he sat across from her at the table. He’d seen the looks she’d given the turian since he came back on board the Normandy—all of them behind his back whenever he turned away. The joys of having access to the cameras all over the ship. She slumped down in her chair, not even paying attention to the music wafting out of the ship’s speakers anymore. Joker pouted, crossing his arms over his chest as well—Kasumi’s eyes darting back and forth between the two of them as they had their staring contest.  
  
“It’s my birthday. You have to do what I want...and I want you to sing a Disney love song in front of the forward battery.” He grumbled.  
  
“You mean you want to embarrass the shit out of myself, more than I already have today, all because you played the birthday card? Fine.” She sighed and stood up from the table. “EDI, find and play ‘If I Never Knew You’ for me, please.”  


Serenity couldn’t believe he’d gotten her to cave so fast, and couldn’t figure out why she had. She didn’t even like the first Pocahontas...now if it had been the second one she would’ve been all over it, but ‘If I Never Knew You’ was the one song that described their relationship perfectly—a friendship she was hoping could become so much more. She leaned up against the doorframe, praying that he didn’t come out and just let her get through the song; there was a tiny part of her that was hoping Garrus knew it was her, and got the point she was going to try to get across with the love song. This was absolutely mortifying.  
  
She could take on a room full of thieves and murderers, husks, thorian creepers, mechs and gunships, and the Shadow Broker, but when it came to Garrus Vakarian she turned into a mess. It wasn’t fair. He seemed to still maintain his composure around her...he probably didn’t even think about her like that, but after this, she resolved to talk to him—she was helping everyone else resolve their issues, she should resolve hers too. Go into battle with a clear head.  
  
She closed her eyes as she let the song flow through her, her head falling back against the wall.


End file.
